Now, it serves mainly to warn the herd that someone named "Chad" has wandered into your proximity, and may try to corner you into listening about Crossfit.
Men and women, if you MUST, here's how to apply it:
1) If there is a pump that sprays the perfume out, point the nozzle away from you, pump once, then walk into the cloud. Now put the perfume away. Do not pump more than once. Do not repeat. You have enough.
2) If there is no pump, with the cap on the bottle, shake the bottle. Remove the cap, and prepare to stick one finger into the cap. NOTE: Not the bottle! Now, barely touch the part of the inside of the cap that is wet. Put the cap back on the bottle, and put the perfume away. Lightly touch the perfumed part of your finger to your collarbone, or behind the ear. Do not do this more than once. Do not repeat. You have enough.
Here are a couple Don'ts:
* Do not wear perfume to the office. You're not there to pick up anyone unless you're a walking HR Violation. It's only distracting, and not in the good way.
* Do not wear perfume out to dinner. You're fucking with everyone else's sense of smell and taste.
This part is for the men.
Guys, look, I get it. I used to bathe myself in perfume because I thought women were into guys that smelled like the inside of bottles that were shown in the foreground of cowboys. I didn't want to have "too little" perfume on, and miss out on them being unable to keep their hands off of me. I get it.
I even had one girlfriend who Loooooved a particular perfume, so bought me a bottle of "Curve". Yes, she did like that perfume.
Here's the thing: If you want to attract the kinds of women that are attracted to a perfume, you're going to be easily replaced. Shallow can be fun for awhile. But if some bottled chemicals are what separate you from the next guy, I feel sad for you, bro.
So, that girlfriend? She tried to play a bunch of headgames to get me to... fuck, I don't know what she was doing. Maybe get me to try to prove to her that I was worthy, or mental judo to convince myself that putting in that much effort meant that she must be worth it. Needless to say, it didn't last, and the way she ended things won her no friends. She bought the new boyfriend some Curve, too.
Perfumes might be a cheat against pheromones, but that's all they'll be. If you stink, you'll be better off getting clean.
If you want a woman to miss your smell when you're not there, you want that smell to be you, not something from a cosmetic. If "your smell" that she misses is a perfume, you're just a vibrator and a heated blanket away from being completely replaceable.
In the days before I went to Iraq for most of 2005, I set aside a t-shirt, and wore it at night while I slept. As I was doing my final packing up, I put it into a gallon ziplock bag, and set it aside in a drawer. After I got in-country and could make a call, I told my wife what I'd done and where it was. This was so that when she missed me the most, she could open that bag, and have a little bit of my smell. I don't know how long she kept it, but it was appreciated, especially as time passed and my smell faded from our house.
As a side note, if you take exception to it being called "perfume" and insist on calling it "cologne" or "body spray", I challenge you to tell me the fucking difference, especially if yours wasn't created and packaged in a particular region of France.
Those ads with hordes of women swarming a guy because he's spraying himself are appealing. What if you look at it this way: What if they're not drawn to him? What if they're rushing at him to beat him to death? He has marked himself, and they figure that one murder shared among them is worth not having to hear any more goddamn Crossfit stories.